A letter to Todd Stroger from Southtown's Kristen McQueary

I thought this was cute, actually the way Todd Stroger is handling himself as President of Cook County is anything but cute, but the letter to him from Kristen McQueary of the Daily Southtown paper is.

A lot of us would like to see the Cook County Prosecutors indict him on something, only to have a Cook County Sheriff take him away to Cook County Jail. Maybe he will have to sleep on the floor because of overcrowding at the jail, maybe he will get beat up because of too many prisoners and not enough guards at the jail. And when he has to spend so much time at CC Jail waiting for trial, well because he cut into the Cook County State's attorneys office so bad, maybe then he will begin to realize his budget plan was not so good. Hopefully he won't get sick while in the jail because there will be less doctors there to treat him, if any, maybe he will catch a disease at the jail because they won't be screening for diseases on incoming prisoners. OK, so wishful thinking, sigh, a little daydream here. But if this ever happens there will be plenty of pictures because this has been the media's worst political offender. Maybe Todd should have sent Tom Dart and Dick Devine a dozen yellow roses on Valentine's Day?

You're welcome, President Stroger
Dear President Todd Stroger,

Rather than join the chorus of whiners protesting your budget cuts, I thought I'd offer suggestions to ease Cook County's financial burden. Because you promised not to raise taxes, I've compiled a list of possible "revenue enhancements" that would bring more money to Cook County coffers, discreetly.

As you know, "revenue enhancements" are not tax increases but rather tax increases in disguise. You'll still be able to keep your no-tax pledge and safely run for re-election in four years, especially if you impose the fees early in your term. Voters have very short memories.

My suggestions are as follows:

Nepotism toll. If county commissioners or department heads want to appoint or anoint family members to elected or paid positions in county government, they may do so free of controversy -- for a fee. To avoid paying the fee yourself, President Stroger, since you were given the top slot courtesy of your father, be sure to include a clause that grandfathers in current elected officials.

Cook County plate. Create a special license plate for Cook County with proceeds benefiting the county's corporate fund. Perhaps a lovely license plate with a portrait of the forest preserves -- or their legendary outhouses -- would be a profitable endeavor.

Badge auction. Who needs the police academy? Sell those shiny brass sheriff's badges to the highest bidders for a quick influx of cash. Suburban mayors do it, but they pocket the money. Keep it for the county. It's the right thing to do.

Holiday collection. Forget gifts for the boss or a pass-the-hat collection for local charities. Convince county workers to donate part of their paycheck to the county's debt-reduction fund. Those overpaid bureaucrats surely have money to spare.

Slots. Why allow ill patients to waste all that time in Stroger Hospital's emergency room and pharmacy waiting for care? Even "Reader's Digest" won't fill 11 hours. A few well-placed slot machines or OTB parlors and problem solved.

Coin-operated lifts. Need an elevator ride to the 5th floor of the county building? That'll be $1 each way, Madame. And no one should be allowed to use the county's public bathrooms for free. Toilet paper costs money. Twenty-five cents a square or drip dry, fellas.

Fund sweeps. Borrow a page from Gov. Rod Blagojevich's playbook and take money from accounts that carry balances. For example, if county Treasurer Maria Pappas is so darn efficient at running her office, "borrow" some money from her rainy day fund. Use it or lose it.

Burrito tax. To discourage overeating that causes sluggish behavior among county leaders, the county could impose a burrito tax. One burrito too many was Stroger's explanation for his torpid performance and inability to answer questions posed by the Daily Southtown's editorial board during the campaign. He ate too many steak-and-cheeses and couldn't think straight, his aides explained.

Porn fee. Why tax all the other sins but leave lust untouched? Renters, viewers and consumers of pornography ought to pay a special tax, along with the smokers, the drinkers and the gamblers. It's a slam dunk. Which admitted porn junkies are going to hold a press conference to protest?

In conclusion, it's clear by my research that the county has not explored all of its options to expand its revenue base without increasing sales or property taxes.

I hope you'll give my ideas due consideration. I won't even charge my customary $50,000 consulting fee. That's the going rate in Cook County, correct?


Kristen McQueary


  1. Special Prosecutor Biloxi said...
    "I hope you'll give my ideas due consideration. I won't even charge my customary $50,000 consulting fee. That's the going rate in Cook County, correct?"

    $50,000 consulting fee... Please....
    Third Generation Chicago Native said...
    That's the reporter joking.
    You should visit the Todd blog, I got a good laugh!

    Todd is sure keeping the media employed and giving them plenty of material to write about.

    I visit a lot of local blogs and believe you me, there are no warm and fuzzy ones on Todd!
    Third Generation Chicago Native said...
    comments from local bloggers on the Toddster blog

    Special Prosecutor Biloxi said...
    I saw the comment from the blogger on your link. Ha ha! Todd's blog and Todd himself is a joke. Oh, I checked out Todd's blog. No one is commenting which tell you about Todd!

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